You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
