I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
