last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
