2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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