i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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