I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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