Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
