at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
