hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
