you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
