You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
