i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
