CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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