PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
