the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
