we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
