i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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