if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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