i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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