Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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