I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Dignity is for republicans.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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