Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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