You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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