I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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