i would punch a child for taco bell
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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