i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
