If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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