i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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