omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
