Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
