So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
