i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
