i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
