no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
