He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
so much tequila, so little girl.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
