You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
