I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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