I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
