Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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