He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
They are going to name an STD after you.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
