I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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