You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
