Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
