i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
