I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
