Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
