a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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