he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
