Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
