Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
