Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
this boner is exhausting
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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