I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I think I am morally bankrupt
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
