So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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