Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
