:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
