I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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