The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
