Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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