i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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