last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
