On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
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