I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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