i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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