Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
