For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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