Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip