I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.