all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?