So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol