After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
