I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
