I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Success! We fucked roommates!
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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