Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
