It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize