some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
