So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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