I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
