Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
