I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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