please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
