It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
