She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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