my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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