I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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